Paris in January.

Guess what? Today when I woke up, I didn't have the feeling of wanting to puke on the world. That was nice. And I actually noticed how pretty this fall is. Yes, it's amazing! The yellow leaves and the contrast together with the very, very blue sky. And I could smell it (the fall, I mean) without feeling panic (at least for a minute or two). So with other words, it's was a pretty good day.

Babysteps are probably the key. I've also realised that perhaps I just really need a lot of time backstage for the moment (Google Goffman;P). Deciding how I'd like my presentation of myself to be. And you know what...? That's hard. It's really, really hard. Especially for someone with soo much decision anxiety, fears and too many thoughts. Hehe. No, really, It's hard for everyone.

So that's why I rather be backstage a lot cause I'm a bit shy now when I'm aware of all the role playing we do and all the masks we wear frontstage. I know that I do have some power to 'control' my presentation but it also depends a lot on the interactions I participate in and where this scene is taking place. I believe that I just need more energy for it. So that I'll stop feeling helpless and passive, just because other people have more to do with my own identity than I'd like to admit. But I'll get there. Babysteps, some optimistic literature, less serious perspective on life and more trusting. Puh, looooots of work. But first - Hidning backstage and mini-holiday in England. Sweetness. Sorry for this writing-a-book-post. Xoxo.